He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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