just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
