your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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