Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
