Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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