theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
