Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize