Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
