He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
