I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
