so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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