What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
