if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
