Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can I color on your dick again?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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