Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
