I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
