I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
