just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am naked and annoyed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its liver damage thursday
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
