my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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