I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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