i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
