My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
