You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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