:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
