like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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