Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
