happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
