If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
