My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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