I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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