what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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