We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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