Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
