47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
