I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
