The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
