8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
