I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
