She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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