guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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