so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
