i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
