Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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