Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
