oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
