all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
