I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
