god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
