I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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