I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
