I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
