I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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