awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
