yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
