I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
