I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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