Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
