His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize