Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
