I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
