respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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