I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
