Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
