I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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