That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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