my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize