whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
