I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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