at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
