some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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