A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
