My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
