Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
