Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
