we're blogging at a bar
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
