help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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