i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
