He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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