you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
