i barfeds in our rink
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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