I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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