the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Enjoy the penises
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
