Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
