My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
